If your spouse, family member, or other loved one has a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, their ups and downs can be taxing for everyone. Issues like mania, depression, spending sprees, and rage can put incredible amounts of strain on your relationship.

And when problem behaviors cross the line into emotional abuse or other types of relationship abuse, it's vital to have the right resources so you can decide what's best for everyone involved. Even if you want to help your loved one, setting healthy boundaries for yourself is essential.

Members from the Inspire community share real-life perspectives and helpful suggestions for coping with bipolar disorder in relationships based on personal experience. As always, consult with your doctor before trying any new treatments or medications. This content should not be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

To access more discussions about bipolar disorder and many other mental health conditions, and to participate with other members, including patients and their friends and families, join the Inspire Mental Health Community today.

How bipolar disorder can affect relationships

Bipolar disorder can destabilize relationships or, in extreme cases, create a sense of despair. Bipolar-related issues that affect couples and families include mania, depression, and impulsive behavior. Sometimes people with bipolar disorder are unable to work or contribute to the family.

Several aspects of bipolar disorder may create instability in relationships, as this member highlights.

“I am diagnosed as having Bipolar Disorder. There are degrees of severity in most all diseases which can determine functionality. I do fairly well. Another aspect of Bipolar Disorder is choosing dysfunctional and sometimes dangerous relationships, promiscuity, and alcohol and drug abuse.” View post 

Lows and highs can be hard for spouses, too.

“My partner is bipolar and I find it so exhausting and mentally draining at times during the lows. I often feel like when he's in a low he's like a completely different person and one that I hate, I feel bad for saying this but I do. I often describe it as a storm, the period of emotional abuse linked with the lows eventually passes and then the person I fell in love with comes back. I find it difficult to talk about this situation with friends and family as I feel I often need to defend or explain his behavior and despite how much they try they just don't get it. I love my partner, he is amazing, and he is so supportive, but the lows are just so difficult and like you I am just trying to cope.” View post

“My husband and I have been together for nearly two decades....When I look back I can piece it together and realize that times I thought he was being irrational or overly moody he was having ups and downs. In the past, he would have a moody day here and there, and then by the evening or the next day he would apologize and everything was ok. For years now he has had an issue with making excessive purchases. Thankfully we haven't been completely broke from them, but there are times where it's made it hard to pay bills and such. 

He said to me that he buys things because he thinks that will help him, somehow, but it never does. Several years ago he experienced the loss of a job, he acted very out of character after that and I thought at that point that our relationship couldn't survive....Two years later he experienced the loss of a parent. This sent him over the edge. He blamed me for everything, insisted we had never been happy and had had problems for years. It took months and months of me begging him to get help and going through the crushing agony of getting emails and texts and the occasional in person conversation of telling me how we are unhappy and how we can't be together and how it's all gone; before he got help.  Yesterday he showed up after being gone overnight and all day long with a brand new vehicle. It's like a giant F U sitting in my driveway. We have never not discussed such a major purchase. He had told me last month he needed to get his head together, so I made him a therapy appointment. They reevaluated him and his diagnosis is the same, bipolar manic depression.” View post 

Compulsive purchases or spending sprees can occur during manic (and hypomanic) phases.

“One of the things my ex used to get into was cars - old muscle cars - he purchased multiple cars without first talking to me. It was so maddening to me. And I felt so disrespected too. I couldn't believe he would make such a huge purchase without consulting me. I also can't recall extreme highs...Which is why he was diagnosed bipolar 2. The highs and lows aren't as extreme. In fact they are almost easy to miss because you could attribute them to other things. The medication he took did help for sure for periods of time. I also have children. Two boys, now 10 and 7. They didn't understand what was happening with their dad.” View post 

“He bought several race cars also without telling me. He then proceeded to start a ‘racing’ hobby for about a year. He has since sold the race cars. Turns out he wasn't much of a driver. Shocker. He had no experience. He also wanted us to buy a pet pig. We had 2 dogs and a car and live in a subdivision. A pet pig!!!” View post 

Mania sometimes brings hypersexual behaviors, too.

“I would get into goofing around on social networking - fairly inappropriate jokes, constantly late to work, avoiding family and friends to do it, etc. I was a little more into explicit content and tried to encourage my wife to do some 'out there' things sexually. I would start obsessing about my invention ideas particular to my line of work. I would also play the lottery a little more because I had more of an interest in getting rich quick and quitting my job. I started believing that divorce was the answer to my problems so I could get away from the wife and kids and have time to pursue my hobbies, etc. I also started believing that that way I could pursue women who truly interested me: ones more like prostitutes - very sexual, fun, no arguing, etc. I too have expressed regret when coming down.” View post

Bipolar disorder in the family can also be difficult for parents or children.

“I should have been experiencing the empty nest syndrome at this point of my life, yet I find myself dealing with an adult-child with bipolar disorder. My level of stress is exhausting to say the least, and I am honestly just trying to cope.” View post 

“My mother has finally taken charge of her life and sometimes she forgets to take her medicine for a week and then it becomes obvious. But, she will tell me that she has been off her meds. So she is aware of this. But it took a long time for her to get to the point where she became responsible. I was the child who got her out of trouble and learned that there was no consistency in my life. It took her many years to take care of herself. Being the child of an out of control parent was bad...but I love her and we are closer now.” View post 

“My mom is bipolar. She's on some meds now but still has days in which she insults me and hurts my feelings by being mean. My childhood was terrible. I still love her and on good days she's helpful and kind. I can distance myself on bad days.” View post 

Curious to connect with other people managing their mental health? Join the Inspire Mental Health Community today.

Sources

• An Unrecognized Symptom of Bipolar Disorder: Rage. Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA.

• Understand Relationship Abuse. The National Domestic Violence Hotline. 

• Domestic Abuse Warning Signs. The National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Disclaimer 

Member comments have been lightly edited for length and clarity. This content is for general informational purposes only and does not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of any organization or individual. The content should not be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Please consult your healthcare provider about any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.